You are free to imagine the events preceeding this mail. I have also taken the liberty to conceive the occurences leading to this mail. Picked it somewhere in the world wide web.
You are the master of objectivity. Your mail spoke about every'thing' and some'things'. If you did not get what I mean here, read your mail again... you spoke without a subject and referred to things.
Life would be simpler, if we were as inanimate as the 'things' you spoke about in your mail. As a reminder, we are speaking of humans and their emotions here.
It is very difficult when I wake up each morning and I have my feelings staring at me in the face, waiting to be acknowledged or done away with. In as much as I try to get them away from me, they are a stuck with me. Instead of running away, I deem it healthy to acknowledge them.
Whoever said, 'Time heals', was gifted with a bad memory. A calvinistic view indeed. To my chagrin, I am not gifted.
I do not want to be assosiated with you for life. Somethings, in life, are not meant to be. (Am glad about this).
But It is about what i feel for you. This is what I am wrangling with.
You mentioned that we must move to a different plane of seeing each other. I do not believe in changing angles, with the same rate that one changes skirts! Maybe, the degree of what I feel towards you may wane away with time (hope the big ben moves faster), but the quintessence remains.
Though the visible symptoms of pain today wil be replaced by something else of tomorrow, the dent cannot be mended. From what I know, guys cannot understand abstractness. Let me state an allegory for your soul.
Read on.. If you get a chance, watch the meteor impact on national geographic. Observe how the meteor impacts the earth by surprise and melts away without a hitch or a remorse, leaving the terrestrial body to grapple with the tangible after-effects. Yes, the earth should have had a shield.. Well, it did not. "I" did not. Blame the earth for its vulnerability.
I cannot pretend on what I feel. I cannot do as you do. Maybe I am wrong here. It is just another event in your life. You know (you do not know this either), I miss you so very terribly. Reality lies beyond the ordinary world of protagonists. With the escapist/defeatist attitude that 'one' adopts, they will never garner the courage to get to know this, neither reality nor how much I miss you. While reading your mail, I may even sob in tears because of the melancholy of nonsensical circumstances that I have put myself into... Well, I think you just smiled.
You are the third guy in my life.. from whom I am hearing the following sentences (Yes, I am dissecting your mail)
1. I would definitley want to be someone whom you can count on in life .
2. I always wish you well and look at it as a privelege to have been associated with you in the past and hope to be in the future too.
I see them as la personification of 'The cliches of their life'.
Regarding the mature decision that you want me to take, that will decide how we will see each other in a longer term.. I am not in a state of mind to do anything akin to that. Pain always searches a reason to attribute the inherent wretchedness of itself. It can metamorphose into hatred, pity, sheer indifference. These results depend on the intensity of the woe. Anyways, none of the 3 results translate into any palpable association between us. You know (I know you don't, as you do not read philosophy), In Kafka's story, a person metamorphoses into a bug. And I prefer the third result - indifference.
We think and feel simultaneously. Now when I grasp the absurd particularities by "thinking" and the catastrophes of the protagonist(read me) by "feeling" , I realise that my energy is directed towards an unworthy entity.
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