Non-Techie managers...

Manager: Let us see when the fire starts. Till then this is working.In our planning itself we have taken care of the fire, it will not happen!!
This is accompanied by a stupid grin and rapidly hand gestures.

Tech member: The requirement is not clear. They have not told us, when to populate the dropdown

Manager: See, you have to think OOTB(This means "Out Of The Box" for the hoi-polloi, simply means, think creative… don’t be bound by the 4 walls). You have to set some flags in code and check how the existing requirement can be translated to delivery. If you do not do this, you cannot grow. Instead of one way of displaying the dropdown, think of many manners. Implement all the possible choices and use a flag to activate them.

Tech member: Nod-nod... Straight from the horse's mouth into his puzzled psyche.

Manager: Did you understand?? Grins satisfactorily.

Tech member: Nod nod

Manager: rubs his hands gleefully

Tech member goes back to his seat. Hir colleague asks her,

Colleague: "Kya bola woh?"

Tech member: "Pata nahin!"

Colleague: "Kya matlab pata nahin!" Looks away from his screen and stares at his fren.

Tech: "Bol raha that ke bahut se flags use kare... Implement all possibilities. Use flag to identify them. Depending on what the client wants, activate the required flag. He only kept talking about flags…!!! ”


Colleague: “Kahe to jhande peharade??? India, Pakistan, America aur srilanka ke jhande chalenege kya? Ja pooch ke aa usko!!"

Hum aapke hain kaun and the immediate ROP

On a lazy sunday afternoon, I was swaying between my urge to sleep and watch the India-Pakistan match. My 10 year old nephew was conducting the stess testing on the television remote control. I was barely able to see what was playing on which channel. During this catch-a-glimpse-of-the-program-if-you-can game, I managed to snatch a view of the movie - "Hum Aapke Hain kaun - Who am I to you!" playing on Zee Cinema.

The second Shaadi scene was in full swing. The Baraat has just arrived. The always-Prem of all Barjatya is dancing with all the sorrow in the world. The Dulhan is decked in all pain. The Khan evades the questioningg looks of the faithful servant Lallu - Mr Berde. He picks up the trumpet, blows out his distress and prances along.

This saga of Melodrama would have continued, if not for the entry of God - the mystical, Lallu - The invoker, Tuffy - the receiver of all divine revelations. Thanks to this trio, we did not have to wait for - "Kitne baar poochu, Hum Aapke Hain kaun" (sequel to HAHK, HAHK 2) to see Prem's wedding to Nisha. Dekha jaaye to, Mr Barjatya (B), used the power of Lord Krishna (LK), to swerve the movie to a befitting albeit highly expected 'Kahani mein obvious twist'.

During the pre - "The family that prays together, eats together ….. Stays together" age ( a.k.a. Hum saath saath hain - We live together together!), LK had to be specifically appeased. And here, Mr Berde(Lallu) was tailored by Mr. B for the same. Somewhere during the pace of the movie, Lallu realises that he has not contributed enough to the movie and starts invoking the blessings of LK. He stands in front of LK, hands folded. Amidst the chanting if 'Radhe Krishna, Gopala Krishna', the wool/flower tied at the end of the flute, which LK is holding to his lips, sways (Did someone open a window??). A halo appears around him. A perfect lighting set-up! Immediately, the focus shifts on Tuffy. The audience is left to deduce that Tuffy received some divine revelation. But why did Mr B use a Dog?? This is not the only scene. Read on, but don’t forget this deduction.

If you go back half the movie, you will realize the serious but unbelievable comradeship between LK, Lallu and Tuffy. During the "Joote do, paise lo - Give shoes, take money!!" parody, the bridegroom's shoes are stolen by Nisha and her giggly troupe of friends. Lallu needs the shoes. He again prays. Tuffy blinks (remember the deduction, we spoke about). The canine tugs at Lallu's dhoti. Bingo, Lallu and Prem run behind Tuffy and return with the jootas! God, are you really there? Do you really answer to such prayers?

The director was well aware of Lallu’s transcendental ability. He used it only wherever needed. When Pooja was dying after rolling down the staircase, Lallu was not around, In fact the director quietly sent him away to his hometown. Now, Tuffy could not alone execute the ‘Tell me how I save her’ act. This would have been definitely very filmy and bollywoodish!! Imagine, Tuffy administering some medicine or blowing air into Pooja’s mouth, leaving the qualified doctors baffled and ashamed. Phew… Poor Tuffy must have felt so helpless! Moreover during that age, LK could not pro-actively help out, not in this movie atleast. And Mr B wanted Pooja to die, yes that is right, die! This is the reason he sent Lallu away to save his sister-in-law.

Hmmm! What a well-synchronized movie! Mr B used LK at the right reel and role, to pause or stop a movie from chugging into monotony… Ah whatever! Lallu definitely had the power … Like Return on investment; let’s talk about Return on Prayer (ROP).

The shoe - buckle race

Someone asked me a question today, which at the outset seemed very out of place. I pondered over the question, as I walked back to my desk.

It seemed just like a day before, when I was competing in the Shoe-buckle race. It was not really yesterday, but in my second standard. Dressed in a checkered pink bloomers, In the scorching heat of the summer, the class of 2nd A was lined to compete against each other. We were a batch of 10.

The race began with my class teacher blowing the whistle. The shrill noise set us on. I completed my buckling of the shoe and looked up. My counterparts were still struggling to get the buckle in place. The moment I realised, I was the first, my legs picked speed. Half way through, I turned back, I was still the only one running. As I was turning back to look where I was heading, my eyes caught my friend far away. In a reflex action, I stopped. Today, I wonder what my little mind then thought. I waited for her to complete, so that we could both run to the finishing line together. Hmmm, stupid me!! As my legs came to a halt, I was cheering her to hurry. She looked up. She was done. She started her sprint towards the winning point. I saw her racing towards me. I must have definitely imagined a happy picture, both of us crossing the line, hand in hand and sharing the prize, 50-50. As I waited for her, she came close to me... before I could realise, she whizzed past me like a bolt of lightening. I was taken aback. I ran behind her. She finished first. I finished second. The third in line came much later. I still have the picture of the three of us standing on the 1st, 2nd 3rd box.

By the way, the question that my friend asked me today was, "What friends meant to me?".

Re 1.00 = 100 paisa

Not so long ago, I was taught in school the worth of money. The typical Re 1 = 100 paisa conversion deals.I cannot pinpoint the year very precisely, somewhere in the vicinity of 1988-89. But if you know where I stayed during my primary school days, it was the era of Mangala bakery that stood at the corner of the turn to my house. Well, it was year I was taught the Re 1 = 100 paisa mathematics, and the around the same year when Mango Frooti skyrocketed to success in hubli.

This blogs revolves around a little green rectangular carton with a bright yellow mango printed on it, which had a advertising line that was used was ‘Mango Frooti, Fresh and Juicy!’. The Parle Mango Frooti was launched in the mid 80s packaging India's premium fruit into international tetrapack. This was some background.

Now, I love Mangoes. I can eat a dozen of them, chilled and cut. I have always had this weakness for them. And so goes with a pack of chilled Frooti. Coming back to this bakery that I earlier mentioned, it sold Frooti. I thought that this owner was mighty rich as he hoarded these tiny green packs inside a chiller. Well, Hubli was not the place, then, as it is now. A typical small town that you spotted all over India, terribly hot in summer accompanied by load shedding, scorching heat and trickling sweat. The swirling dust devils kept me company during the summer holidays.

On one such seething summer noon, my dad and I were running an errand for my mother. I found myself behind the counter of this bakery, where dad was buying bread. We had to wait as the bread was still being drawn out from the oven. I wanted to ask dad to buy me a Frooti. My a-very-rich-friend has mentioned how her father had bought 10 packs of Frooti for her, so that she could have one each day. She had mentioned that the price was Rs. 5.00.

I deliberated long before asking dad for it. I was calculating, Re 1.00 = 100 paisa. Rs 5 = 500 paisa. To a kid, this was a huge amount. A kid, barely reaching the top of the counter of the bakery, was standing there with her foot raised, so as to catch a good sight of the drink. She was calculating the cost of the drink that she wanted her father to buy for her... She moved her head from the pack to her father, wondering if he noticed her eyeing the pack. Now, when I catch a glimpse of this scene upon my inward eye, my heart goes out for myself. 500 paisa or Rs. 5.00 meant a lot then, to me. Hurriedly, the boy came with the pound of bread and began packing it a news paper. My father was drawing the money from his wallet. I pulled at my dad's sleeve and asked him if he can buy me a frooti. I told him that it will cost 500 paisa. I dont know what happenned after this. But, I walked home, skipping with joy and sipping with glee... I was holding the green pack close to me.

I must have bought frooti a hundreds of times. But, I wonder if it tastes as good as it did, when I had it the first time.